Now onto my last post about my resolutions. I had this in the draft box for quite sometime. After reading another post (which I link later), I knew I had to get this out of draft and into reality. There is a reason why I hesitated to even place this as a resolution, but I need to. [If interested, see Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3]
Now onto last but not least Part 4) Personal Issues
In reality, this should be number 1, you can’t really work through the other issues without first working on yourself, but this is the hardest one to work on and that is why it is usually pushed to last. Some days I’m the happiest girl on the block, some days… not so much. I can attribute a lot of my mood swings to the kiddo [lack of sleep, lack of freedom, lack of free arms] and to my diet (I swear when I overeat the sugar I get the angry sugar snaps), but that still isn’t an excuse. I want to work on things about myself that I haven’t really liked or ‘pushed’ down deep within myself that has made me that unhappy girl.
Being a mom, it is hard to put yourself first – my typical day starts very early, I would love to rejoin this 5:30 am PUMP class, but I can’t because I don’t get to spend a lot of time with the kiddo during the day, but a happy mom does mean a happy mom. Even after work, I obsess myself with the kid, I would like to run earlier in the night than I do so that my adrenaline levels drop down before I go to bed as I think it would help me sleep better, but I just can’t do it. And I need to take that “I just can’t” out of my vocabulary.
I want to work on my body image, there are things I still want to change about it, but I also have to learn to accept parts of the body that will most likely never change. I came across this website today, the sentence that I liked the best was:
healthy bodies are and always will be most attractive
Because of the Victoria’s Secret Models, because of the moms that bounce back so quickly after childbirth, a naive first time mom really can get her head skewed to a terrible way, add that into my already disoriented self view it doesn’t help the situation any.
Like I said, although this is the last resolution, I really would like to give myself an honest chance by trying really hard to put myself first and to work on those inner demons.